Note: Please click here to see the post I am applying for.
Dear Mr./Ms./Mrs./Mdm. Human Resources Professional,
Internship for Computer/IT Students
I am enclosing my resume in response to your advertisement for the above post which appeared on JobStreet.com on 29 December 2009.
As you will see, I am currently pursuing an Honours degree in Computer Engineering with the National University of Singapore. I also have been previously employed in several customer service positions, and have a strong interest in interacting with others, as well as in understanding computer technologies. I am also highly organised, and am able to work well with others.
In the course of my study, and through my interest in computer technologies, I have picked up many technical skills relevant to computers and networking. I believe that these skills would undoubtedly be put to use in the set-up and management of desktop PCs and related peripherals as required in the position. In addition, I am confident that my experience in customer service, as well as my passion for interpersonal interaction would be invaluable in providing support to end-users. Thirdly, I believe that my highly organisational nature would ensure that I will log all incidents in the incident management tool, which I understand to be part of the job. Lastly, I am sure that my ability to work well with others would prove to be useful when teamwork is necessary.
If you agree that my skills and interests are relevant in the offered position, I would very much like to meet in person to learn more about the job requirements. Please feel free to call me at (contact number removed to protect privacy) or email at (email address removed to protect privacy).
Yours sincerely,
Clement Auo (Mr.)
Dear Clement,
ReplyDeleteI have some suggestions for you.
For the salutation of your cover letter, you could use 'Dear Sir/Madam' to replace the 'Mr./Mrs./Ms./Mdm'. This is because there are other titles like 'Dr.' and 'Professor' amongst others. Even though Sir/Madam sounds less friendship, I guess it is worth the sacrifice of a little friendliness to make sure that no one ever gets offended. If 'Dear Sir/Madam' were to be used, then you could also change the complimentary close to 'Yours faithfully' instead of 'Yours sincerely'.
I refer to the second paragraph of your cover letter. You mentioned: "I also have been previously employed in several customer service positions". I thought it would be more grammatically correct to phrase it as "Previously, I was also employed in several customer service positions". 'I have been' is present perfect continuous tense. We use the present perfect continuous to show that something started in the past and has continued up until now.
Last, there is a small error in your third paragraph in the sentence that starts with the word 'Thirdly'. The 'am' is a redundant word. However I am certain this is just typo error on your part, just wanted to point it out to you nonetheless.
Good luck and thanks for the comments you have given to my draft!
Hi Diana,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your suggestions. I agree with both your suggestions, but would leave them as-is for now, so that others may also discuss their views on these points.
I have also corrected the typo.
Hi Clement
ReplyDeleteI feel it was a well thought out application letter. Nice job. I like the fact that you link up your strengths with the job requirements. Also, you mentioned a wide range of strengths that you possess (technical skills relevant to computers and networking, experience in customer service, passion for interpersonal interaction, etc.). I think that it is really important to do that because an employer would not be looking for someone who specializes in a certain aspect but an all-rounder.
I do have a suggestion for your last paragraph though. I think that this would sound better:
I would very much like to meet in person to learn more about the job requirements. If you agree that my skills and interests are relevant in the offered position, please feel free to call me (...)
Jasper
Oh by the way I think there's another minor typo error. In your last sentence of your last paragraph there isn't a full-stop.
ReplyDeleteHi Jasper,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I agree with your suggestion. However, will leave the post as-is for now for others to comment upon.
I have corrected the typo. Your eyes are very sharp.
Dear Clement,
ReplyDeleteGood one. Few suggestions that could possibly be of help -
1) Your first paragraph stresses should ideally stress more on computer skills before soft skills like customer service. That is, after all, secondary.
2) 'Many' technical skills is not specific. Would help to understand what constitute the 'many'.
3) I'm not sure if stressing again on customer service and organizational ability in the 2nd paragraph helps your cause due to the nature of your position. I think appealing to the technical skills side you possess would help the most.
4) 'If you agree' in your 4th paragraph is too binary a statement in my point of view. I would stick to -'I am attaching my resume for your consideration. Do feel free..'
Cheers
Rohan